1.28.09 He Expects the Best

So while I was talking to a friend about some issues I’m dealing with in the flesh she tries to reassure me that even if I fail that God understands by quoting the verse on all have sinned and fallen short of his glory. That if any transgression transpired it would be merely an accident. Well I beg to differ.

Why is it acceptable to see the bar so low? Its okay to aim to fail? Why because its flesh and we’re human God expects that of us? No God expects what any parent expects of their child, the best and nothing less! Yes they still love you and forgive you if you don’t make the mark but they expect you to reach for the stars! My Daddy goes a step farther than that, he expects us to reach for the heavens…But knows that not all of his children will make it. That is why he said what he said.

No matter how unachievable it seems to you, reach for the heavens. Your Daddy expects the BEST!

1.28.09- Me

5.18.08 Convo with God

You know it’s hard to be obedient when God shows up and calls on you for great things so early on in your walk with Him. I feel ungrateful, I asked for Him to use me. His will not mine. But now my disobedience is like me saying unh uh I don't want that, give me something else. He's given me a beautifully wrapped gift and I'm saying it’s not good enough. I say what about time, it’s been so little.

At least that's what I keep thinking, but God tells me that He knew me before He created me. Okay and relationship? Well that's easy we've known each other all along. Okay well what about my family and friends what will they think? I don't know if I can handle the reactions. What about people? You're not in this for people; you have me and ill never leave. You've been through some tests and know no matter how grim it seems ill never put more on you than you can bear. Well what about my faith? I'm real doubtful how can I bring this to someone and I have no confidence in my approach? This is a test of your faith. I know this seems bigger than anything you've ever imagined but put your trust in me and ill bring you through. Prayer... I’m not the best. I mean I know You get them but if I'm not the most effective in my own prayers how can I be there for others? Who told you that you weren't effective? Do I not hear and answer you? Do I not cover you and you family and friends and coworkers as you ask of me? 

Why now? How about I gain some more wisdom and understanding then...look at me trying to negotiate with God. Now is the time. Why waste anymore time without me when you can be closer to me. Cast away your fears. I didn't create you to be fearful child. I have aligned you with a shepherd that will fill you with my word. With people of God that have integrity and live and walk in their purpose. People that look at you with love in their hearts why do you fear them? Embrace them as they have you. Your right I'm just scared. I feel like I usually do when I'm tested...I give the Enemy a chance to win me over all over again. I run back to the comfort of my old life. But it never feels the same as it use to. I don't want to be there, I can see the Enemy for who he really is more and more but still I let Him back in. My child you have learned to find comfort in me. Run to me when you're under attack. I’ll provide you with the strength you need.

I just don't have what it takes God, I don't. Have you made it through a storm? Yes, several. Do you find rest in me? Yes. The fundamentals obedience, humility, wisdom all a work in progress for you right? Yes. How easy was it to throw out your old ways, the drinking, cussing & fussing, the old way of thinking? It was fairly easy I struggle sometimes with some more than others. Have you been a counsel to those in need? Yeah I can think of a few. No child there have been many. You were doing my work then through your friends’ bad choices, suicide attempts, even bringing a few closer to me. I guess... Do you believe in my word and what it says about you? Yeah now more than ever. So let me ask you a question? Why can't you have faith in me and trust what I have to say about you? 

-5.18.08

5.18.08 What's Best For Me

Well since I’m not the most eloquent speaker, I thought I should pour my heart out in print. I’ve been running from the truth in me for a while but now there is no turning back now.  I’ve literally been made sick and you come to a point when you have to stop trying to killing yourself with secrecy and truly let it all go.

I know I have a calling towards working in the ministry. God has called me to do more than just sit in the pews. I have let doubt keep me away from my purpose long enough.  I realized while visiting a friend who was speaking at his father’s anniversary the other night that the only thing in the way of fulfilling my purpose is me. His brother spoke about the story of Samson and Delilah.  Samson let a woman come between him and God. Having then lost favor. Mine isn’t another person…it’s me. I’m standing in the way of God and what he’s trying to do.

My friend’s two passages Proverbs 3:5-7 and Revelation 2:10 showed me that I’m not fearing the right one. I fear the world when I should fear the Lord. I may not be able to understand the whys and hows but I have to have faith and trust in God for he knows what’s best for me…

5.17.08 What Kind Of Sinner Was I

What kind of sinner was I? Its funny I wasn't out there being a liar, thief, murderer, or fornicator. Those weren't my sins. Now don't get me wrong I may have done some of those things but none of them held me down. They were just small victories for the enemy.

So if those weren't my sins then what was? Me being comfortable in the world. Ignoring the voice of god and his call on my life. By not walking in my purpose I turned my back against the Lord. The enemy was made victorious by way of feeding me doubt.

-5.17.08

2.06.08 A Change In Me

Change...I need more of it. I've grown so much in just this year but to progress to the next level I must seek out more. How did I come to this conclusion? Recently it got to the point where I got comfortable. I was doing what God directed me to do, I was showing humility, studying the word and whatever else I thought would be pleasing in his sight. But the more I sought him the harder I was being hit by the enemy. I'm just starting to receive some of the things that he's promised me and the enemy is trying to convince me that I'm making the wrong decision. But how is it so easy to let the devil into my head when I'm so dedicated to my decisions?

Because the spirit of doubt use to be tenant in this house. My inquisitive nature led me to eventually second guess everything in front and behind me. Once something has claimed tenancy, its hard to get them out. I'll be honest I've grown up to see roaches, ants, and even a mouse or two. Now we could lay traps, powders, and sprays to rid them and yes for a while they leave. But they staked tenancy in our home so soon enough the following summers and winters they're back and I swear they multiplied! The point i'm trying to make is that change has to stay constant. You can't make one change and expect that to be enough. The enemy is sly and studies your change and will just find a new way to get back in what it claims as its own.

-Me

2.06.08 Sin

The problem with sin is this, the more different sins that u allow into your life the greater the chance of a relapse into that lifestyle. See sin knows what neighborhood yoou live in but it doesn't know the house. By inviting sin "over" you might as well have handed over your alarm codes and key! Its like a house guest that never leaves or the neighbor that likes to pop up and see what your doing. You can chop down the tree but unless you pull up the roots....

2.06.08 Under The Cover

Under the cover of ADD the enemy kept my mine cluttered and full of confusion. He led me to believe that this noise was normal. Literally I could go to bed in thought and wake up just the same. He knew that in my silence I would hear the voice of the lord calling me...and that I would answer.

-Me

1.25.08 I Used to Hate Silence

I used to hate silence, but now I welcome it. There once was a time when I thought I'd lose my mind if it stayed quiet too long. But now it wasn't me that hated the silence. It was the spirit that had dominion over me that told me to. It knew that if I was silent just long enough I would hear the faint whisper, the call of the Lord. So I fed into the fear. I let myself believe that there was something to be frightened of in the silence and the dark. Let me be the first to tell you I ain't afraid of the no boogeyman no more! LOL! If it wasn't for the quietness I wouldn't have heard this word the Lord was trying to deliver to me. In silence, if you just listen, you'll receive a roadmap for your daily life...Just listen.

-Me

1.10.08 Love

I remember praying for the lord to send me someome to love. Someone who'll love me for me. Just wanting to not experience heartache just one time...then while listening to the radio Musiq's love came on. I began singing it and substituting love for lord sporadicly throughout the song. Then it dawned on me...the lord is that love. He was what and who I needed. He's the one I should be making dates with. He's the one I should be going to bed with and waking up to. His name is the one I should be calling out in my sleep. He should be the one consuming my thoughts day and night. His love should be the one that makes my heart skip a beat.

Without his love I'm not capable to love others. His unconditional love instructs me on how to give and receive unconditional love. If you don't have or have never expirenced God's love, you don't know what true love really is...

-Me

1.06.08 Gossip

What's the real problem with gossip folks? Christian folk are notorious for their gossiping ways aren't they? Even though I was taught not to be a gossip I as were my teachers are guilty of it! Gossip is bad. Its a waste of valuable time and not to mention intellect. Nothing good can come from it...right?

I really have been pondering it and come to the conclusion that not all gossip is bad. I actually think that all believers should be practicing it daily in our everyday lives. Okay really hear me out.

Lets go back to Jesus' time here on earth. Well before television, radio, and camera phones. Before you could google his name and find everything from his biographies to a T-shirt bearing his image. He was traveling performing miracles left and right. Many heard of this man claiming to be the son of God before he even arrived. Now without the modern communications that we are accustomed to how do you suppose spread got around...uh the grapevine? Good or bad his works were being talked about making skeptics or believers but mostly an eager listener.
So many believers spend most of their time in the world; work, shopping, even home by not filtering what we are watching and listening to. We need to learn how to use these vices for gods good. Beat the devil at his own game!

Don't run off the gossip, because a good gossip is an even better listener. Next time they wanna run and tell you about their weekend excursions tell them about yours. Tell then about the revival your church had the past three nights. About the lives that were saved last week in service. Tell them about how good gods been to THEM(the gossip) by getting them out of the mess they made after one too many drinks!

Now you'll have one of several outcomes: one they could just blow you off mid sentence and babble about why they even brought their mess to you in the first place. Which is a good thing because they'll think twice before they gossip round you again! Now secondly they can actually listen and take in some or all of what you have to say and revert back to the first reaction. Or maybe you can open the door for dialog with them. Which can ultimately bring them closer to god. Of course the last option is ideal. Sometimes folk can't see it for themselves how good god has been to them.