You know it’s hard to be obedient when God shows up and calls on you for great things so early on in your walk with Him. I feel ungrateful, I asked for Him to use me. His will not mine. But now my disobedience is like me saying unh uh I don't want that, give me something else. He's given me a beautifully wrapped gift and I'm saying it’s not good enough. I say what about time, it’s been so little.
At least that's what I keep thinking, but God tells me that He knew me before He created me. Okay and relationship? Well that's easy we've known each other all along. Okay well what about my family and friends what will they think? I don't know if I can handle the reactions. What about people? You're not in this for people; you have me and ill never leave. You've been through some tests and know no matter how grim it seems ill never put more on you than you can bear. Well what about my faith? I'm real doubtful how can I bring this to someone and I have no confidence in my approach? This is a test of your faith. I know this seems bigger than anything you've ever imagined but put your trust in me and ill bring you through. Prayer... I’m not the best. I mean I know You get them but if I'm not the most effective in my own prayers how can I be there for others? Who told you that you weren't effective? Do I not hear and answer you? Do I not cover you and you family and friends and coworkers as you ask of me?
Why now? How about I gain some more wisdom and understanding then...look at me trying to negotiate with God. Now is the time. Why waste anymore time without me when you can be closer to me. Cast away your fears. I didn't create you to be fearful child. I have aligned you with a shepherd that will fill you with my word. With people of God that have integrity and live and walk in their purpose. People that look at you with love in their hearts why do you fear them? Embrace them as they have you. Your right I'm just scared. I feel like I usually do when I'm tested...I give the Enemy a chance to win me over all over again. I run back to the comfort of my old life. But it never feels the same as it use to. I don't want to be there, I can see the Enemy for who he really is more and more but still I let Him back in. My child you have learned to find comfort in me. Run to me when you're under attack. I’ll provide you with the strength you need.
I just don't have what it takes God, I don't. Have you made it through a storm? Yes, several. Do you find rest in me? Yes. The fundamentals obedience, humility, wisdom all a work in progress for you right? Yes. How easy was it to throw out your old ways, the drinking, cussing & fussing, the old way of thinking? It was fairly easy I struggle sometimes with some more than others. Have you been a counsel to those in need? Yeah I can think of a few. No child there have been many. You were doing my work then through your friends’ bad choices, suicide attempts, even bringing a few closer to me. I guess... Do you believe in my word and what it says about you? Yeah now more than ever. So let me ask you a question? Why can't you have faith in me and trust what I have to say about you?
-5.18.08
